Well, it had to come.
A few months ago, I decided to ‘do’ an audiobook. My first thought was that my novel, NORTHMAN, would be an ideal candidate. The thought lasted until the moment I realised that it would take about twenty six hours of recording to accomplish. Oh and a further week to edit.
I’d spoken to an actor and voice-over artist I know and he was strangely unwilling to dedicate the next three months of his life to my novel. It might have had something to do with his fee, which in this instance was to be a few pints of Old Peculiar and a pork pie. Normally, being a greedy pig, he would have snatched my hand off for a pork pie and ale, but he recently appeared in a popular UK soap and his horizons rapidly expanded beyond the delights of mere victuals into the heady atmosphere of actual folding money. Now, the demon of celebrity beckons him and he is lost to the barter system.
Twenty six hours. No VO artist. NORTHMAN sailed away to the far north and was lost.
There was no choice.
Sights lowered, I decided on one of my shorts, written last year. I would have to voice it myself since all the actors I know emigrated, or pretended to be dead or about to enter therapy when I approached them.
So, which one?
BOMBER is quite a dramatic story, but has a number of regional accents – quite difficult for a novice and a non-actor, but maybe one for the future.
THE 500 is better in that it has little dialogue, but it is from a female POV and my dresses are all at the cleaners. Another for the future.
It had to be ISSUE 49. Apart from the fact that I like the story, it’s set mostly in Yorkshire and I know the East Coast resorts of Bridlington, Scarborough and Cleethorpes well, since, as a child, I spent many holidays on their windswept beaches. Finest Haddock and Chips in the world!
So, without further gabble here’s the link to the wonderful Soundcloud. It’s free and lasts about 25 minutes. You can listen now, or download it for my future humiliation 🙂
Disclaimer: This is my first voice-over despite having directed many actors in the past. I would love your comments, even if you think the end result is abysmal, so I know what to do or not do, if there’s a next time. I promise I’ll get a proper VO artist in for the next one, if I can find a good actor willing to trade in pork pies!